By Cat Rambo.
Read by Stephen Eley.
First appeared in Asimov’s Science Fiction, March 2008.

‘Sometimes we don’t realize that what we want isn’t good for us,’ the man said, speaking for the first time. He stared intently at Kallakak.

‘Dominance rituals do not work well on me,’ Kallakak said, roughening his voice to rudeness. ‘I will see you in five days in the court.’ He decided not to burn his bridges too far. ‘I will tally up the cost of my goods by then and will have a definite figure.’ Let them think him acquiescent while he tried to find another way to save his shop. He stepped into the lift, but they did not follow him, simply watched as the doors slid closed and he was carried away.

Making his way back to his quarters, he saw three figures standing before it. He paused, wondering if the Jellidoos had decided to lean on him further. The trio turned in unison to face him, and he recognized them with a sinking heart. The cousins.

Rated G. Contains shady commerce and dim relations.

EP160_KalakkaksCousins.mp3

Jellidoo One: ‘Rah Rhost?!’ Jellidoo Two: ‘Like, Zoiks!!’

(They quake for a moment, then disappear in a puff of dust and a high-pitch cartoon noise and footfalls)

Yay! A fun story!

I like thought provoking emotional stories a lot, but sometimes it is just nice to have some literary popcorn, and that is what this was. I’m not left with tears in my eyes, or heavy thoughts in my head (or heart), just general cheeriness. Thank you!

One note: I was picturing Larry, Moe, and Curly (sans violence) more than Larry, Darryl and, Darryl. Their incompetence made me think of 3 Stooges bits like making a cake with a potholder in it.

Great story to listen to while spending the beginning of the weekend doing mind-numbingly boring yard work. I find myself wanting to more of this poor Kallakak’s physiology even though it apparently involves a shoddy urinary tract.

I wonder if you’ve got a typo in the title. Mrs. Rambo’s website has it as ‘Kallakak’s Cousins’ with two Ls and only one middle K. You’ve got it right in the excerpt though!

What a fun story!

I really appreciated Kalakkak’s Vulcan-like stiff-upper-lip-ness in his attempts throughout the story. It was humorous to follow him trying to catch multiple curveballs being thrown at him by his situation. I appreciated it, because Kalakkak is like me, apart from the pair of mid-hands and sheathed claws, of course.

The cousins reminded me a lot of some of the old Donald Duck comics, with his nephews Huey, Dewey and Lewie frustrating Donald’s attempts at a peaceful existence, not out of malice, but due to their own misadventures.

Thanks for making my week once again, Steve!